Tag Archives: Depression

WHENEVER QUOTE — MAY 31, 2017

Good morning, all. A while back I started posting weekly quotes to help encourage myself to keep blogging regularly. Of course, stuff always happens and I get derailed. I’ve decided to change it to Whenever Quotes. 🙂 It makes more sense than trying to force myself to do this.

Here is today’s Whenever Quote:

Quote provided by www.brainyquote.com

So true.

I’ve had ups and downs over the past couple of months, so I’ve kept to myself more than I’d like.

On the upside, I’ve finished Physical Therapy for now and the family and I now go to the local YMCA for workouts. Vivi has been instrumental in helping me build more confidence in myself and my abilities.

We’re registering for a 5k walk in a couple of weeks and I’ve been working hard on the treadmill.

On the downside, I’m still having issues with depression, still sleeping more than I should. I’m almost done being weaned off a second medication, Paroxetine, but still haven’t noticed any significant changes.

All that being said, like the quote says, I’m determined to succeed and move forward, even if I fail a few times.

Enjoy the week, everyone! Xoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what I’m working on! Have a blessed day, everyone!

 

 

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT MUSINGS

Hey, everyone. It’s past three in the morning and I can’t sleep. I know, I know, it’s what I usually do anyway. Tonight my mind is going a million miles per hour and no matter how much I try to control it, nothing helps.

depressedid-100365516For starters, I fell again a couple of days ago on my friends’ porch. I was trying to bring in the mail when I began listing to the left. I already know I’m a fall risk, so I knew what was going to happen. I promptly shifted backward so I landed on my bottom. I didn’t hurt anything unless my pride counts.

I sat there for a few minutes crying in frustration because I knew it would take me a while to get back up. When I finally did, I brought the mail inside and made my way to bed, where I’ve spent most of the past couple of days.

I began thinking (again) what my purpose in life is supposed to be. I’m still thinking about it as I write this. Giving up isn’t an option for me, though I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it. I pray. And pray. And pray some more. Still waiting to hear back.

With everything that’s going on in this country now, I stress out and become more depressed. I love God, but I hate organized religion. Wars are fought for greed, power, and in the name of religion. Maybe that’s why my mind is so confused. Being well again is top of my list, so I implore my online followers and friends, please help me help my brain make sense again.

Hugs to all of you who listen and are there for me unconditionally and without judgment. I love you guys.

PS: I’m going to reschedule Dr. G earlier even if I have to cab it. I think all these meds aren’t helping. Xoxoxo

RECOVERY PROGRESS REPORT

Good morning, everyone! Encouraged by my first visit to my new neurologist last week, I thought this would be a perfect time to give you a progress report of sorts.

Getting better...

Hopefully will be taking a lot less!! 🙂

As a lot of you know, I take a variety of medications. For the purposes of this post, I’ll list the one’s that are relevant.

  • Keppra (Levetiracetam) for seizures 1,250mg daily)
  • Cymbalta (Duloxetine 30 and 60mg) daily for neuropathic pain
  • Paroxetine (Paxil) 40mg for depression. 

After going over my medical history and medications together, Dr. G. said he was a little perplexed that my other doctors had me on so many different medications for so long. He understands why they probably did; the Keppra is a safe drug with few side effects. Unfortunately, it is also a mood destabilizer.

He wants to try something new with me. He said that I have every neurologic problem the medication he wants to put me on will help. That medication is Depakote. I’ve known people on it, and had patients who were on it, but I never realized its versatility. I always thought it was to treat bipolar disorder only. Not so. It helps prevent migraines and seizures, works on neuropathic pain, and is a mood stabilizer. WHAT?! 🙂

Dr. G put me on a low placebo dose of it to see how my body reacts to it. If all goes well, when I see him next month, I’ll start weaning off the listed four meds, and have the Depakote gradually increase until we hit the magic therapeutic dose.

Unfortunately, my gait hasn’t been the greatest lately, and I’ve been using my cane more than I normally would. I’ve been clumsy lately and Vivi told the doctor that when I went to NJ, each time I returned, it took almost two days to recover. We’re hoping the Depakote will solve the mood and exhaustion problems, as well as the neuropathic pain.

Dr. G is sending me for an MRI of my brain, neck, and back since I’m unsteady. He noted that I walk with my legs a little spread and said that it’s my body’s way of keeping me balanced. I love that he speaks in layman’s terms. He basically said my spine is like the highway of my body. if there’s a lane closure, what happens? Traffic. I probably have some brain to limb traffic; actually, I know I do. Hence, all the MRIs. Fingers crossed that it’ll be something we can fix through PT or something. I’ll keep you updated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

AN UPDATE

Hey, everyone! It’s been a while since I posted any real updates on my condition. Way back, I started blogging about my journey through the bleed and subsequent stroke. If you’ve followed me since the beginning, you know that I had to overcome a lot to get to where I am now.

Here is a brief refresher for those who are recent followers and don’t know much about my history. On November 20, 2011, I suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage secondary to a ruptured aneurysm in my brain. I had brain surgery on the 22nd and suffered an ischemic stroke during the surgery.

While in Neuro ICU, I suffered seizures, TTP, and had to be intubated several times. The left side of my body was dead weight for nearly a month, I had to relearn how to speak, and spent almost another month at inpatient rehabilitation at Good Shepherd in Allentown, PA.

By the time I left Good Shepherd, I was walking with a walker. In May 2012, I graduated to a cane. Less than a year later, I was walking on my own (except during bad weather, which I still do).

My speech is near normal, except when I’m overwhelmed or stressed, in which case I tend to stutter. Loud, unexpected noises tend to send me into a bit of a frenzy until I calm down. I recently sang for the first time at a karaoke gig my friend Vivian K-jayed for. The link is on one of my Celebrate the Small Things posts.

I suffered a few seizures since the bleed, but as of last summer, I was cleared to drive again by my neurologist. Finding the courage to do so again is the hard part.

I’ve had two hospitalizations since then, the most recent this past March, secondary to a fall at home. I bought three weeks in the hospital. My medications since 2011 have been cut by nearly half, including the seizure meds. My biggest hurdles to overcome now are the depression and anxiety.

Overall, I’ve come a long way in my recovery. Next on my agenda is to seek permission from my doctors to work a simple part-time job until I can handle more.

 

 

 

IWSG – A MONTH OF CHANGES

Hello bloggers. It is the first Wednesday of the month and we know what that means, right? Time for the Insecure Writers Support Group – #IWSG.

NinjaInsecure Writers Support Group Badge Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh , my hero and one of my mentors, founded this amazing and wonderful group.

The group’s purpose is to allow writers to share their doubts and fears, trials and tribulations without fear of being mocked or feeling foolish. It’s also a place where writers who have “been there” can offer wisdom and guidance.

Whenever anyone finishes a draft, edits their work, finds the perfect critique group, publishes their work, or has any other good news to share, this is the place to do it too!

he awesome co-hosts for the August 3 posting of the IWSG are Tamara Narayan, Tonja Drecker, Ellen @ The Cynical Sailor, Lauren @ Pensuasion, Stephen Tremp, and Julie Flanders!

Please take a moment to thank them for all their hard work this month. 🙂

The past month has been both good and bad. I’ve spent most of it in NJ with my daughter and son-in-law due to the heat wave that was going on in my area. Since I don’t have A/C at home, it was the best option. While I was there, I ran out of my Paxil. When I had a few pills left, I spread out the days I took them, opting to see how I felt with just the Duloxetine (Cymbalta) in my system (prescribed for my neuropathy, but also used for depression). I had some withdrawal symptoms, but nothing crazy. I slept a lot, and had some periods of nausea and diarrhea. Other than that, I seemed to be OK.

When I was hospitalized, my neurologist had to discontinue my Topiramate because of the kidney stones I had. They helped prevent my migraines. Since I was on Paxil, there really wasn’t anything else to give me. Now that I’m off Paxil, my psychiatrist can prescribe another medication that will work for both my depression and migraines. Unfortunately, the name escapes me now. I know it’s too soon to tell if being without the Paxil and just the Duloxetine will work, but if it does, then I might just need something for migraine prevention only. Good stuff.

Overall, I had a good time in NJ seeing my family, and another change I made was getting my hair cut and buying some new clothes. Hopefully I’ll have something BIG to report in my next post, but I’m not counting my chickens yet. Stay tuned.

Have you made any changes in your life recently, big or small?

Check out my other blog’s IWSG post this month too at lilicasplace.

 

 

 

 

 

IWSG – NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP

Hello bloggers. It is the first Wednesday of the month and we know what that means, right? Time for the Insecure Writers Support Group – #IWSG. I can’t believe I almost forgot about it this month; it’s so unlike me.

NinjaInsecure Writers Support Group Badge Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh , my hero and one of my mentors, founded this amazing and wonderful group.

The group’s purpose is to allow writers to share their doubts and fears, trials and tribulations without fear of being mocked or feeling foolish. It’s also a place where writers who have “been there” can offer wisdom and guidance.

Whenever anyone finishes a draft, edits their work, finds the perfect critique group, publishes their work, or has any other good news to share, this is the place to do it too!

The awesome co-hosts for the May 4 posting of the IWSG are Stephen Tremp, Fundy Blue, MJ Fifield, Loni Townsend, Bish Denham, Susan Gourley, and Stephanie Faris!

Make sure to take a moment and thank them for all they do.

I know that most of my followers are aware that the past few months have not gone well for me. I’ve been struggling lately and have been in a really dark place emotionally. Some days it was all I could do to get out of bed.

Depression and anxiety suck big time. It took a friend to remind me of the things that keep me going. My psychiatrist finally took me off the Respiridone because she knew I didn’t need it. While I still struggle occasionally with the whole recent hospital incident, I realize that the only person who’s hurting is me.

Today is actually a good day for me. I accomplished more than I had intended and actually enjoyed my writing time. While the last couple of months had me at rock bottom, the silver lining to that is that there’s nowhere to go but up.

I’m getting back into my meditation and focusing on more positive thinking. Hopefully the spark of creativity that I had today will continue and I will be out of this funk soon.

Today is also my second blogiversary for this site. I’m happy about that too. I thank each and every friend and follower who reaches out to me and keeps me going. It means more than I can ever say.

Check out my other blog’s IWSG post this month too at lilicasplace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

#IWSG – GETTING BACK ON TRACK

Hello fellow bloggers. It is the first Wednesday of the month and we know what that means, right? Time for the Insecure Writers Support Group – #IWSG.

Click on the Image to Join

Click on the Image to Join

Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh , my hero and one of my mentors, founded this amazing and wonderful group.

The group’s purpose is to allow writers to share their doubts and fears, trials and tribulations without fear of being mocked or feeling foolish. It’s also a place where writers who have “been there” can offer wisdom and guidance.

 

The awesome co-hosts for the February 3 posting of the IWSG will be Allison Gammons, Tamara Narayan, Eva E. Solar, (that’s my other blog!) Rachel Pattison, and Ann V. Friend!

Make sure you thank them for all their hard work!

February is here and it’s time for me to get back on track. The past two months have been full of personal losses that have included friends, former colleagues, and family. To say that my depression went into full throttle would be an understatement.

It’s now time to pull myself up by the bootstraps and start moving forward. It’s not easy, but I have to do it. The depression was difficult to control prior to the losses, but the sadness only added to it.

I’m in the Bronx now with my Comai now as I write this and having a good time. My mind is clearing up and my head is on straighter. We’re looking forward to doing some cool things this week, which I’ll talk about in another post.

The plan is to get back to posting regularly again and I’ve been reading stroke, medical, and health related books lately. I’m also considering doing occasional reviews of books related to the subject.

Have any of you suffered from a loss or depression so severe that it’s kept you at a standstill? Would you like to see an occasional book review on stroke, health, etc. on this blog? Just curious.