MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT MUSINGS

Hey, everyone. It’s past three in the morning and I can’t sleep. I know, I know, it’s what I usually do anyway. Tonight my mind is going a million miles per hour and no matter how much I try to control it, nothing helps.

depressedid-100365516For starters, I fell again a couple of days ago on my friends’ porch. I was trying to bring in the mail when I began listing to the left. I already know I’m a fall risk, so I knew what was going to happen. I promptly shifted backward so I landed on my bottom. I didn’t hurt anything unless my pride counts.

I sat there for a few minutes crying in frustration because I knew it would take me a while to get back up. When I finally did, I brought the mail inside and made my way to bed, where I’ve spent most of the past couple of days.

I began thinking (again) what my purpose in life is supposed to be. I’m still thinking about it as I write this. Giving up isn’t an option for me, though I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it. I pray. And pray. And pray some more. Still waiting to hear back.

With everything that’s going on in this country now, I stress out and become more depressed. I love God, but I hate organized religion. Wars are fought for greed, power, and in the name of religion. Maybe that’s why my mind is so confused. Being well again is top of my list, so I implore my online followers and friends, please help me help my brain make sense again.

Hugs to all of you who listen and are there for me unconditionally and without judgment. I love you guys.

PS: I’m going to reschedule Dr. G earlier even if I have to cab it. I think all these meds aren’t helping. Xoxoxo

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