IWSG – IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY

I know I’ve been gone for two months. It’s been rough. What better way to share than now.

It’s the first Wednesday of the month and time for the Insecure Writers Support Group – #IWSG.

Click on the Image to Join

Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh , my hero and one of my mentors, founded this amazing and wonderful group.

The group’s purpose is to allow writers to share their doubts and fears, trials and tribulations without fear of being mocked or feeling foolish. It’s also a place where writers who have “been there” can offer wisdom and guidance.

Whenever anyone finishes a draft, edits their work, finds the perfect critique group, publishes their work, or has any other good news to share, this is the place to do it too!

The awesome co-hosts for the April 6 posting of the IWSG will be Megan Morgan, Chris Votey, Viola Fury, Christine Rains, Madeline Mora-Summonte, L.G. Keltner, Rachna Chhabria, and Patricia Lynne!

Make sure you pay them a visit and thank them for all their hard work.

I’m not joking when I say it’s been rough. I was released from the hospital about two weeks ago after being admitted from the beginning of March. It wasn’t fun. In a nutshell, I fell at home one day and was out for some unknown period of time. My daughter tried reaching me from the Friday evening before she was supposed to come for the weekend to let me know she couldn’t make it but I didn’t answer. She continued calling all day Saturday (I think it was the 5th).

When I still didn’t respond, she called my friend T to come to my house to check on me. She came with her boyfriend, and was banging on my door (apparently her key didn’t want to work). My dog Sophie kept barking and barking, and I think that woke me up; I don’t know. I tried to open the door for her, but I couldn’t. I was too weak and I was in a ton of pain. She wound up going to the owner’s cottage so he could open my door. Luckily, his son was home and let them in.

They took me to the ER, where I had a battery of tests done. Unfortunately, I wasn’t treated the greatest while I was there. My friend can attest to that. At some point at home, I must’ve stepped in Sophie’s mess on her wee wee pad, so I didn’t exactly smell like roses. Boom. I was judged an alcoholic or drug seeker. I had a huge knot on my head and bruises on my body. They did find a kidney stone though.

The staff was unhappy when all my blood work and UA came back clean. They had to admit me. I’m not going to go into all the details here, but it’s safe to say that I went upstairs and at some point became altered mental status because I would hear the voices of the doctors and nurses talking about me outside my door.  I swore it was real, but told it was not.

One of the doctors told me that my UA showed infection with the kidney stone and it could sometimes cause ‘delirium’. Yet I found myself transferred to a psych unit after about four days in telemetry. It was awful. If the infection caused the delirium, then why psych? I was a ball of nerves. I was uncertain about what was real and what was not. The psychiatrist put me on Risperidone while I was there to calm the ‘voices’.

I was released after I told the doctor I didn’t hear the voices of the doctors and nurses anymore. This was true once I got home.

Then I worried about the things that have slipped over the past couple of months. My blogging was a biggie. All the hops that I’m signed up for and missed. Who wants someone who’s so unreliable? That tore away at me. My favorite ones are the IWSG and Celebrate the Small Things. Yet, I haven’t posted for over two months.

I finally had to accept that it’s okay for me not to be okay all the time. I’m doing my best. If I get dropped from any of the blog-hops, I sign up again when I’m stronger.

I just wanted to explain part of the reason why I’ve been away from you guys for a while. I’m back now, and hopefully will remain back.

Check out my other blog’s IWSG post this month too at lilicasplace.