I know I’ve been gone for two months. It’s been rough. What better way to share than now.

It’s the first Wednesday of the month and time for the Insecure Writers Support Group – #IWSG.

Click on the Image to Join

Click on the Image to Join

Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh , my hero and one of my mentors, founded this amazing and wonderful group.

The group’s purpose is to allow writers to share their doubts and fears, trials and tribulations without fear of being mocked or feeling foolish. It’s also a place where writers who have “been there” can offer wisdom and guidance.

Whenever anyone finishes a draft, edits their work, finds the perfect critique group, publishes their work, or has any other good news to share, this is the place to do it too!

The awesome co-hosts for the April 6 posting of the IWSG will be Megan Morgan, Chris Votey, Viola Fury, Christine Rains, Madeline Mora-Summonte, L.G. Keltner, Rachna Chhabria, and Patricia Lynne!

Make sure you pay them a visit and thank them for all their hard work.

I’m not joking when I say it’s been rough. I was released from the hospital about two weeks ago after being admitted from the beginning of March. It wasn’t fun. In a nutshell, I fell at home one day and was out for some unknown period of time. My daughter tried reaching me from the Friday evening before she was supposed to come for the weekend to let me know she couldn’t make it but I didn’t answer. She continued calling all day Saturday (I think it was the 5th).

When I still didn’t respond, she called my friend T to come to my house to check on me. She came with her boyfriend, and was banging on my door (apparently her key didn’t want to work). My dog Sophie kept barking and barking, and I think that woke me up; I don’t know. I tried to open the door for her, but I couldn’t. I was too weak and I was in a ton of pain. She wound up going to the owner’s cottage so he could open my door. Luckily, his son was home and let them in.

They took me to the ER, where I had a battery of tests done. Unfortunately, I wasn’t treated the greatest while I was there. My friend can attest to that. At some point at home, I must’ve stepped in Sophie’s mess on her wee wee pad, so I didn’t exactly smell like roses. Boom. I was judged an alcoholic or drug seeker. I had a huge knot on my head and bruises on my body. They did find a kidney stone though.

The staff was unhappy when all my blood work and UA came back clean. They had to admit me. I’m not going to go into all the details here, but it’s safe to say that I went upstairs and at some point became altered mental status because I would hear the voices of the doctors and nurses talking about me outside my door.  I swore it was real, but told it was not.

One of the doctors told me that my UA showed infection with the kidney stone and it could sometimes cause ‘delirium’. Yet I found myself transferred to a psych unit after about four days in telemetry. It was awful. If the infection caused the delirium, then why psych? I was a ball of nerves. I was uncertain about what was real and what was not. The psychiatrist put me on Risperidone while I was there to calm the ‘voices’.

I was released after I told the doctor I didn’t hear the voices of the doctors and nurses anymore. This was true once I got home.

Then I worried about the things that have slipped over the past couple of months. My blogging was a biggie. All the hops that I’m signed up for and missed. Who wants someone who’s so unreliable? That tore away at me. My favorite ones are the IWSG and Celebrate the Small Things. Yet, I haven’t posted for over two months.

I finally had to accept that it’s okay for me not to be okay all the time. I’m doing my best. If I get dropped from any of the blog-hops, I sign up again when I’m stronger.

I just wanted to explain part of the reason why I’ve been away from you guys for a while. I’m back now, and hopefully will remain back.

Check out my other blog’s IWSG post this month too at lilicasplace.






About My Miracle Life

I'm a writer, blogger, avid reader, book reviewer, sub-arachnoid hemorrhage and stroke survivor, moving forward in my recovery and trying to advocate for stroke and brain hemorrhage awareness and prevention. I'm also slowly working towards independence, driving, my first novel, a memoir and a series of short stories. I've been lucky to have a very small network of close friends to guide me; I've been even luckier to have found an online 'family' of sorts to help me through the rough times.
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23 Responses to IWSG – IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY

  1. Strokeathon-10YearsOn says:

    Hope you are recovering well!:)


  2. Deanie Humphrys-Dunne says:

    Eva, I’m so sorry you had such an ordeal. I missed you. Feel better and thanks for letting us know what happened. Hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. patgarcia says:

    Take care of yourself. That’s important. I am so sorry that you had to go through that at the hospital. People tend to forget that what they give out will one day come back at them. Don’t lose faith, hang in there. Happy to see you back at the IWSG.
    Take care.
    Patricia @ EverythingMustChange

    Liked by 1 person

    • The one thing that got me through the madness was faith, Pat. If not, I’d be a basket case right now. Thanks so much for always being here for me. I have great friends here. Blessings, Eva


  4. Jo Wake says:

    At least you are now feeling up to doing a bit of blogging. Don’t push yourself though Eva. Take it slow and steady. As you know I was very worried about you as were our other friends. So glad you are home again now.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh Eva…so scary! I’m glad that you are okay now and back at home. Yes, it most definitely is okay to NOT be okay! Trust me girl, I know. Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. violafury says:

    Eva! Are you sh*tting me? Resperidone? That’s given to people who have a long, LONG history of psychosis and it is not to be administered lightly! I just have no words for the way you were treated at the hospital. I am mentally ill and I manage the daylights out of it, because I do not want to have another psychotic break and wind up in the psych ward after having lost 6 weeks of my life. I have Asperger and PTSD, along with being bipolar and suffering from life-long depression, but it would NEVER in a million years, occur to any doctor to give me Resperidone! I also have essential tremor, which is hereditary, but I’m sure all of the mental stuff helped to burn out my neurological system faster. I have a world-class neurologist and when I was hospitalized last November for an opthalmalogical/neurological event, the minute I said her name, they did every bit of due diligence they could to find out what was wrong

    I have learned to be absolutely militant about my own health care. I’m also legally blind and I get pretty huffy about that too. In this day and age, we all need to speak up and if we don’t like the answers, we ask for an Attending physician or someone higher. Don’t EVER let them give you something like that again! The Medical-Health Care Industry is horrible now and if you don’t speak up, the docs may mis-diagnose (it happens more frequently than you think). If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email. I’m your co-host Viola Fury, aka Mary

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally get what you’re telling me. There was a point where I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. A lot had to do with covering for the ER. I’m going to take you up on the offer of emailing you when I have a moment. Thanks so much for co-hosting and sharing with me. I feel tons better. Hugs. Eva


  7. OMG, I hate hospitals! Seriously, I’m glad you’re are home and safe. Hospitals are unsafe, sometimes I think the worst places on earth. So sorry for your suffering!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not fond of hospitals either, Yolanda. What’s sad is that I used to respect and admire this hospital. No more.

      Apparently the only qualifications you need for a job there now is a pulse.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. What an awful ordeal. I’m with Yolanda — I hate hospitals. I won’t set foot in one unless it’s an emergency. So glad to hear that you’re starting to feel better. Don’t stress and take things a little at a time. And yes, it’s okay not to be okay all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Lori. As I mentioned to Yolanda, I’m not a fan of hospitals either, but they’re a necessary evil for me, especially now. With my history, I worry more about my health and scare easier. My pain is invisible to them and they see what they want to see. I’m trying to stress less, and I’m grateful for the awesome community of bloggers that I have as my support group. Hugs. Eva

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s the problem. Some of them see what they want to see and don’t listen to the patient, when a lot of the times, the patient (or the person who’s with the patient) knows more about what’s going on than they do.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. They thought you were a druggie? Do most drug addicts smell like dog pee?
    What a terrible experience! So glad they found you when they did, but the staff at the hospital could’ve been a lot nicer.
    When it’s health related like that, no need to worry. You can’t do everything. Just start back where you left off. You know I won’t boot you from the IWSG, even if you were gone a year. (That said, please don’t miss a year!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, or and alcoholic – they couldn’t decide. They were certain my blood work and UA would prove them right. They had a rude awakening.

      You couldn’t keep me away for a year if you tried, Twinny! Hugs to you and my sis! Xoxoxo


  10. lexacain says:

    I’m horrified by how they treated you and so angry on your behalf. Drug seeking is done by people who’re jonesing, irritable, manic, and alert enough to be crafty. Not by people who’re out of it and have a huge bump on their head. You should have been checked for a concussion. Thank heaven your daughter found you! I hope you can use a different hospital in the future — this one sounds like it’s run by a bunch of lazy, holier-than-thou jerks. I’ve missed your posts lots! As far as I’m concerned you’re a permanent member of CTST — you’re a wonderful person and I’d never kick you off the list! I hope you feel better soon and forget all about your awful experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Lexa. That means the world to me. The first thing I did when I finished my IWSG post was go to your blog and check to see if I was still on the list. I was ecstatic when I saw that I still was. I was going to post yesterday, but I fell asleep.

      It was my friend T that found me after my daughter couldn’t get hold of me, but she arrived within a couple of hours. She lives in NJ and I’m in PA.

      I’ve missed you tremendously and can’t wait to get back to blogging. Hugs. Eva


  11. M.R.R. says:

    That sounds absolutely horrible. Hope things have improved.


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